c-rotten-candy:

literally the only reason im not covered in tattoos is bc i cant afford it. its just really important for me that you all know that my best, ideal self would be covered in tattoos.

spartanlocke:

crafty-butch:

crafty-butch:

conspiracy theory: people on other social media sites keep saying tumblr is dead so they can mine us for resources without anyone else going to the source

half the comments on any given tumblr screenshot post are like “wow I miss tumblr, shame it died” and the screenshot is from, like, last tuesday

Inspired

froody:

One fun fact about cattle that you may not know is that they are fairly strong swimmers and they do like water.

My childhood home was next to a river and on the other side of that river, there were roughly 200 cows and their calves. During the hot Virginia summer, some of the cows would make their way down the bank of the river and stand up to their chest in the cool flowing water. Sometimes they drunk it, sometimes they played in it but mostly they just stood and stared at you on the opposite bank. At one point before we had bought the house I grew up in, there was a particular cow introduced into the herd who came from a farm where she was regularly required to ford a stream to get to the next paddock. Naturally, she began fording the river (no small feat, the river was relatively deep and wide and the bank on our side was steep and 20 feet tall in places) and entering our yard. Our front yard was a large floodplain, always full of clover and wild flowers and other small plants cattle consider to be delicious. She taught some of the other ladies in her herd to cross the river to the greener grass on the other side.

Naturally, this wouldn’t do and the rancher got rid of her. I like to think he sold her to another farm where she could teach other cows bad habits because for all her faults, she was a good mother.

By the time we moved in, none of the cows crossed the river. They just stood submerged in the stream and enjoyed each other’s company and the cool water. If you sat on the opposite bank or canoed past them, they would stare and low at you but make no effort to move out of your way. Occasionally one of their friends would gallop down the bank to join them in their berating of this human intruder to their summer fun. I think they never lost that resentment towards the greener grass on the other side.

funnytwittertweets:

vampireapologist:

vampireapologist:

vampireapologist:

i have 15 years’ worth of outstanding library fines in three separate cities and it’s my hope that eventually a bounty hunter librarian will come to collect and we’ll get in a bar fight and fall in love

I also can’t rent movies in two different towns so there’s that.

I’m newly terrified by the implication that librarians aren’t people and I’ve misjudged what exactly I’m up against

spectrumcore:

ladies can be little a evil. as a treat.

haiikyuus-remade:

things all girls want to do:

• become medusa

• dance naked around a fire in the woods w other ladies

• eat men

• let their eyes roll back in their head and speak in tongues

• eat men

kitten-kin:

aethersea:

mzminola:

fieldbears:

aethersea:

tonystark-tm:

fake relationship but its a king and his concubine that was once an amazing soldier but he couldn’t go up the ranks for whatever reason so the king was like listen. hear me out. you can be my strategy dude. u just gotta be okay w walking around shirtless a lot. and soldier dude is like man that’s an UPSIDE and yknow they end up falling in love

some idiot advisor: I can’t believe his majesty lets his boytoy attend these council meetings, it’s an insult to the noble institutions that uphold our nation, it’s an outrage—

a somewhat smarter advisor: you’re just mad bc he pointed out how dumb your naval attack strategy and no one laughed when you made a mean joke about him

Boytoy has gone from a top fighter who was well respected but in constant danger to wearing silks and eating grapes on daises. That fucked up rotator cuff was the best thing to ever happen to him

Bonus points: at least half the other concubines are experts in assorted fields, the monarch brings them to relevant meetings to both play up a reputation for frivolity, and make sure at least one person there doesn’t have an outside agenda.

my harem? 

did you mean: my chief strategic advisors

The kingdom is an absolute monarchy but the harem has become a secret meritocracy. The nobles and official advisors kind of side-eye His Majesty because wow some of these consorts must have like…really good personalities. Kings of the past have had their own specific tastes of course; size, shape, age, color, et cetera. More than one ruler has interviewed consorts feet first and Ardwin the Adventurous’s obsession - God rest him - with snuffling armpits like a sow rooting for mushrooms is well known despite never being alluded to in polite company.

The worst part of it is that the new king takes at least part of his harem with him everywhere and it’s so embarrassing. The Counselors of War have never once met with His Divine Majesty without that hulking battle-scarred consort interrupting with muttered growls or scornful snorts. And the Ministers of Finance all flinch at the sight of that fox-faced one, rumored to have been rescued from the gallows because His Augustness took a fancy to his eyes or some such nonsense. General petition days are even worse, with practically the entire harem drifting in and out of the Grand Hall in turns, insouciant and smug like granary cats who know they’ve been given full run of the courtyards and barns.

It’s absolutely infuriating that the kingdom has never before known such a period of peace and prosperity under this ridiculous monarch.

galacticctrash:

random resistance personal: “general dameron”

*both finn and poe turn around: “yes, what is it?”

itslarryqueen:

“Sharon carter is also recruited for this mission. also seems like Sharon and Bucky will have a romantic relationship troughout the show by bonding over steve leaving"

Me: